The Containment Squad

The ‘containment squad’ as they are known on the streets

are said to be the people who are responsible for people going missing. Before coming to this island back in early 2011 the krump was being spread; that is when my wife caught it. I heard mysterious theories of where they were being taken and acted on this immediately to keep my wife safe from the rumours. I am afraid that this is still happening.

It has been rumoured that the krumpers are being used for their highly active movements, helping power factories, used merely as workers – lab rats for the government to keep away and utilise for unpaid gruelling work. This gives me even more drive to find the cure… We can then fight to get our loved ones back to where they should be, safe.  This of course is only a theory but after seeing the recent report on New News, I’m starting to think anything could be true…

Someone contacted New News to say they had seen a few members of the squad lurking outside a dingy nightclub near the city centre. They were said to be in long black coats, skin coloured swimming hats and skin coloured marigolds (I guess they thought they would look less suspect). At first the person who highlighted the group thought it was a stag do, a couple of men dressed in stupid clothes is pretty normal if you’re just about to get married. Before me and Jade wedded in holy matrimony me and a few of the lads from the cereal lab decided to go out dressed as scientific implements, I the fabulous Bunsen burner. We went to all the bars teasing women with jokes about how big our flames could get, god I was a real joker before I came here.

Anyway the containment squad started to draw more attention when they started approaching a group of intoxicated people leaving the club, they went up to them, opened their coats and then instantaneously the group would all start krumping collectively. The squad would then bunch the group together and haul them into a nearby van.

No CCTV footage can back this up, only a short video a drunk member of the club caught on their way out, New News reported it as a word of warning. Stay away from swimming pools and nightclubs and run if you see anyone in a long coat approach you. I aim to try track the movement of these krumpers being taken and will keep you in the know about any more suspicious activity.

Send in any videos you witness in the meantime to facebook and twitter with the hashtag #igotthekrump

My first Vlog Post

I feel like I have got the hang of this blogging thing so I have decided to take a step up and make a “Vlog”. I wanted to show you jade in krumping action.

Don’t judge me as this is my first Vlog and I have only just found out what a Vlog actually was about a week ago.

So here it is. My Vlog

The Three Stages Of The Krump

For those of you who may not be aware, I have discovered there are three phases of the Krump. I figured it would be of good use to explain the signs of phase changes so people can keep a look out and contact me immediately if they feel changes are happening.

My wife has very severe Krumping and her long period of time on this island without being able to stop has also added frustration to the mix. Believe me, a frustrated Krumper is not a pretty sight, her moves have vastly improved and she is burning more calories than she can intake, now reaching phase 2 of the Krumps; the sweats. Here is a few photos I took of her, they are not the best of photos as it’s really hard to take a photo of a krumper because they are always moving.

It is important that we help the Krumpers at early stages, whilst they are still fresh in the movement, it is easier to engage with them if they are not in full Krumping force and they smell slightly less of B.O… Something I’ve grown accustomed to.

Stage one – regular krumping

For anyone new to the exposure of the krump you may not understand the term ‘regular krumping’… I understand how this dance can be something very shocking and particularly hard to get used to. All I can say is this is the krump at its calmest, so if a nearest and dearest is at this stage – so far, so good. Just keep their hands covered with something (marigolds are best) and ensure no skin to skin interaction.

Stage two – the sweats

This is the stage that my wife has reached. The transition was particularly noticeable. It became almost as though she no longer could make her dancing look good and instead her arms and legs now flail uncontrollable in all directions, she can no longer monitor when her limb might throw itself in any direction, causing her to hit things without meaning to.

This phase is generally more destructive dancing, and as mentioned in my previously, she has now become utterly frustrated, more so than before. Along with loose limbs, she now grunts if she is caught off guard with her movements.

So this phase is very noticeable but I must warn you, at this point time is limited. My wife was in phase one for a number of years and from testing on smaller species I have found that the ratio of phase one to two is much higher. Please keep an eye out for these signs and contact me as soon as you notice.

Phase three – death

Need I explain? Please be careful with your krumping colleagues and family members.

Remember to keep sending in videos of your krump experiences for me to continue my research. Send them to my facebook page  facebook.com/igotthekrump or my twitter page @igotthekrump with the hash tag #igotthekrump

Why I’m Blogging

It has recently come to my attention that there has been more and more outbreaks of the Krump yet again on mainland. As many of you may know, me and my wife have been living on a deserted island that will remain unnamed as I can’t afford people finding out where I am, but I will give you one clue, it’s on earth.

If you didn’t know me, I’m a cereal inventor, I invented puff puff co cos and my wife, jade is infected with the krump. I am no longer inventing cereal my main aim is to find the cure to the krump. I guess you could say I gave up being a cereal inventor because jade took up being a cereal krumper and frankly that’s just too much breakfast for me …. Its good the joke sometimes. To help me on my journey to finding a cure, I need the help from anyone who has witnessed mainland Krumping. Please send videos via this blog facebook and twitter so I can inspect the movements of these Krumpers and decipher what sort of actions need to be taken to help be rid of this ghastly outbreak. It is important that I can examine anyone who is currently infected, the range of krumps are so vast I must see the dancing movement and analyse them closely. Diversity in infection from one person to the next makes this infection such a puzzle, people who have a natural talent for dancing are prone to have much more severe krumping symptoms. So I cannot urge people enough to send – no matter how big or small – any media of what you believe to be a krump victim (even an unexpected twitch of the arm could be a result of just sharing a toilet seat with a krumper – you wouldn’t touch bare bums with a stranger, so think before you sit on that public toilet).

I plan to keep blogging my results from here on the island, now I am aware that what I am doing here may actually be worthwhile. I want to ensure people can stay safe around krumpers and help you realise you can become used to this infectious dance – as hard as that may sound… #igotthekrump